Adventures in Attitudes

Audio Message 3: As One's Thinking Is

This short message provides a little background and history on the AiA program started by Bob Conklin in the late 1950's.  The title ties back to the James Allen monograph, As A Man Thinketh. Those simple concepts are the core and common thread of the program and worth reviewing over and over. I am constantly amazed at how easy it is to stray away from this powerful message.

And the message is certainly not new.  The earliest recordings, over 4000 years ago, come from the writings of a Hindu mystic - As one's thinking is, such one becomes. Of course modern brain science is helping us understand how this really works and how we can take more control over the process. It is a simple (?) process of rewiring the brain.  If life isn't working out so well, just do a little tweaking on those synapses and all will be well. Got your brain screw driver handy?

Bob's message, although way before current neuroscience, turns out to be very practical. He uses the metaphor of a camera and suggests that where we point our camera has a major impact on our attitude since it reflects our view of reality.  Unfortunately, popular media is no help in this regard. Susan often puts herself on a "news diet" just to reduce the effect of all the negativity reported there. In some of our AIA workshops, conducted in a modular format, we assign a positive news activity asking teams to bring back posters illustrating all the good in the world around them.

The idea relating the mind to a garden, as found in James Allen's text, is also quite appropriate.  We need to be the Master Gardener, planting seeds of optimism and hope and then tending them as they grow into strong beams able to support us when times get tough.  This is very much aligned with the work of Martin E.P. Seligman, the founder of the positive psychology movement at the University of Pennsylvania. His early book on the subject, Learned Optimism, could have been founded on AiA principles.  Funny how much of this program keeps popping up in current research and ancient wisdom.

Since this is a short audio message, listening to it on a regular basis is probably a good idea.

Project 14: Evaluating Your Strengths and Weaknesses

This discussion is based on the previous project and gives everyone a chance to think about strengths and weaknesses.

I am like all the other participants, it seems.  I let thoughts of weaknesses take over in my life far too often even though I know better.  Thank goodness for the AiA affirmation - I can't help the way I feel right now but I can help the way I think and act. (But that comes later in the program).

My notes from this exercise remind me that you can actually see confidence in successful people and that it is really a matter of controlling the thoughts that run through your mind. The reason to do so, for me, is to be able to have a greater impact on others.  I think we are on this planet to serve others and you can only do that if you continue to work on yourself - to be the best person you can be.

We like to watch classic films in our house.  Just the other night we watched Frank Sinatra in Young At Heart.  Every time I see this movie I think of AiA and how much Barney needed to work on his attitude and self confidence.  I hope I am never that bad, but I know I have come close a number of times in my life.

A participant in my AiA group many years ago shared a quote (not sure where it came from) that gets to the heart of this exercise - "No amount of water can sink a ship unless it gets on the inside". For me, that means controlling the thoughts that get on the inside and making sure that they are predominantly positive ones. The weaknesses will always be there to some extent.  As Bob Conklin pointed out, you can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy. A friend will be honest in pointing out your weakness but will help you overcome them and, most importantly, also continue to remind you of your strengths.

So, I want to be a friend to myself and I want to look for more ways to be that kind of friend to those around me - in both my work and my personal life.

Project 13: Strengths and Weaknesses

Okay, before you read any further try this for yourself.  Draw a line down the middle of a blank sheet of paper.  On one side list all of your strengths and on the other side all of your weaknesses.  Three minute time limit!

STOP READING

 

 

 

 

Watching people go through this exercise in a classroom setting is very interesting. First, I like to see which side of the paper the strengths and the weaknesses go on since there was no instruction regarding that (my strengths were on the left and the weaknesses on the right - what about yours?). Next, I like to see which side they spend the most time on. Many seem to have a much easier time listing weaknesses rather than strengths; what about you?

As for me, I am somewhat pleased to say my strengths list was a little longer than the weaknesses list. Not much, just a little. The disappointing fact, looking at the list I made a few years ago, is that many of the weaknesses on the list are still operating in my life - keeping me from being the person I want to be. There has been some progress, but not as much as I would have liked. So, this review is helpful. I will use this reflection as a challenge to continue working on removing those irritating roadblocks and building on those strengths. How about you?

In the next project we'll take a closer look at this exercise.

Project 12: Who Are You?

This project is based on the Personal Effectiveness Grid and the ensuing discussions around the "I AM" statements. Reflecting on the Grid from time to time is a very powerful self-development exercise. Many of the characteristics on the Grid could be called "hyper-human skills" since they cannot be automated; they are part of what makes us uniquely human.

In this discussion we are called to share with others the strengths we have that could be called "hyper-human" and to reveal more of our self-concept. In addition, we are challenged to think about the ways we use masking - covering over the real self with outward expressions such as clothes, cars, etc.

As I review my Grid again I can see a number of items that are definitely in the category of "hyper-human".  Characteristics such as Concern for Others, Emotional Control, Positive Attitudes, and Enthusiasm jump out.  On the other hand, Decision Making, Problem Solving, and even Creativity are moving more and more out of that realm and into the arena of computers.  I begin to wonder where I should be focusing my attention if I want to be a better person. Some of my strengths seem to be outside of the category of "hyper-human" while my opportunities for improvement are in that category. I'm not sure what that really means at the moment but it is certainly something to think about. Time to ponder the Grid again, I suppose.

I also wonder if my moving into a stronger "C" dimension on the DiSC Model is an indicator of where I have been developing strengths over the years.  This is more of a task orientation than a people orientation.  My earlier profiles were quite different.  The people dimensions of "S" and even "i" were much stronger. I think my Grid would have been different in those earlier years as well.  I'm not saying one style is better than another but only reflecting on my own journey over the years and considering my opportunities for growth in the future.

Then there is the question of "masking". I'm sure we all do this to some degree. For me, experiences in the business world have shown a stronger tendency toward masking than I see among my more personal relationships.  I often wonder what business relationships would be like if there were less masking and more openness to the inner self. Years ago we worked with a book titled Healing The Child Within. As a facilitator I began to realize that every time I was in front of a group of people I was really addressing twice as many as I thought - the faces in front of me and the children living within those people. So the challenge is to first get in touch with the inner self and then to find positive ways to remove the masks and to share that inner person with people around you. Today, more than ever, we need stronger ties to each other.  We need community.  Even community at work.

Back to the Grid again. I'll continue to review it, ponder it's meaning, and look for ways to see each of these characteristics as strengths within me.

The key thought from this project is: in order for you to develop a quality you must be able to see yourself having it to begin with.

Talk About Yourself

I've been putting off commenting on this activity. Not sure why. Perhaps because I remember my first experience with it - talking about myself for a full two minutes with no feedback or discussion with others and only a few lines on my I AM card to get me started. Some people probably find this easy to do; I am not one of them. For example, when I am with Susan, my wife and business partner, and we are asked to talk about our journey into entrepreneurship, I usually defer to her and she does a great job telling both her and my stories of how we got into this business. It's not that I don't want to share myself with others; I'm sometimes desperate to do so. Perhaps it is because I still feel a bit unsure of who I am and what my strengths, talents and gifts are.

So, that is the purpose behind this little AiA activity - to help participants begin to break out of the cocoon and see the beauty that is within each of them. And, I must say, it usually works. At the end of the program we are asked to repeat the exercise and this time speak for 4 minutes. But at that point we are with people who, like us, have already discovered and shared much of that beauty we call human. 

This is an activity that deserves to be pondered and reflected upon over and over. It might even benefit from the help of some poetry. Here are a few lines from one I discovered today. The complete poem is called Ten Years After by David Whyte from his collection, The House of Belonging.

Innocence is what we allow
to be gifted back to us
once we've given ourselves away.

There is one world only,
the one to which we gave ourselves
utterly, and to which one day

we are blessed to return.

The I AM card is a great tool to help us focus on the gifts we bring to each other.  Talking about them for two minutes may be difficult but worth the effort. Finding opportunities such as the Talk About Yourself activity in AIA is a rare gift. It helps us "give ourselves away". Reflecting on this is a great way to begin a new year.

I AM: A Powerful Affirmation

After working through the Personal Effectiveness Grid, participants in Adventures in Attitudes are given a reminder card with the simple phrase, "I Am!", on the front.  On the back there are blank lines to complete the phrase I Am... by listing strengths, talents and skills.

The Personal Effectiveness Grid is a good place to start looking for these positive characteristics but participants are encouraged to go beyond that and add anything they want.  There are only seven blank lines on the card but I am constantly surprised by how long it takes many people to write seven positive things about themselves.  As for me, I came up with the following list:

• Interested in my work
• A good facilitator
• Creative
• Good at solving problems
• Patient
• Concerned about others
• Focused on quality

The card I am looking at was completed in 2006 and I think the items still ring true but I wonder how others might see me.  I often get positive feedback on my problem solving skills (or at least the fact that I don't like to give up when faced with a problem until I find a solution) and my facilitation techniques. The item "concerned about others" is the one I have been thinking about recently.  It reminds me that other people cannot see my intentions but only my actions and lately I have been big on intentions and short on actions when it comes to my concern for others. Plus, I haven't received positive feedback on this one in quite a while.  I think there is a message here.

So, while the I AM card is certainly a good reminder of strengths, and a reinforcement for positive self esteem, it may also serve a purpose as a check on how well we use these strengths. 

Another observation I have had about this card and the phrase "I AM" comes from the Old Testament in the Christian bible.  In Exodus Moses asks God for his name and gets the answer, "I Am who I Am".  If you subscribe to the notion that we were made in the image of God and that God is in us you can begin to see the significance of this phrase and how its use as an affirmation can be quite powerful. Tapping into all of the wonderful "I Am's" within each of us could go a long way to making this world more heavenly.

Project 11: Personal Effectiveness Grid

The personal characteristics listed on this grid are certainly worth thinking about. For our skills are not the only factor in our success on the job or in life. A number of studies have shown that attitudes have a significant impact on how we use those skills. While a few of the items on the grid might appear to be "skills" (decision making, problem solving, speaking before others, etc.) the majority are more thought related - how we think about ourselves or others. The premise of Adventures in Attitudes is that we can change our lives by changing these thoughts and that even those characteristics that seem like skills, decision making, etc, have a thought component to them. 

As I look over the grid I completed quite a while ago, I am struck by the fact that there are a number of them that I rated low that are still having a negative impact on my life: Ambition, Understands People, Understands Self, Energy Level and Self Discipline. It is clear to me that I have not put any effort into changing my thoughts in these areas and, therefore, have not made any progress.

On the positive side there are a few I have been working on and have made progress: Adaptability/Flexibility, Friendliness, Influence, Self-Development Commitment. These are characteristics I have spent time thinking about and consciously working on so it is no surprise that I would rate myself higher today than I did a few years ago.

The Personal Effectiveness Grid is a great way to look into the mirror and see where your thoughts are taking you. It is probably a good idea to do this at least once a year. Looking back on this one from a few years ago I realize how much my thoughts impact those characteristics that are critical to success in life.

If you would like to use the grid to "look into the mirror", send me a note (rick@teamapproach.com) and I'll get one to you. The grid is also an outline of Adventures in Attitudes so if you have not experienced the program it will give you an idea of the content.

Project 10: Missing Pieces of Life's Puzzles

In the activity preceding this discussion we tried to put a simple puzzle together as a team and found a piece missing.  In some groups I have observed, the goal is to win and the missing piece is found without sharing.  In others, folks are walking around looking for the group that needs the piece they have.  Basic human nature, I suppose.

Of course, the point of the exercise was to illustrate the fact that we need others in our lives to be successful.  At The TEAM Approach we use the tag line - Connect and Succeed.  I firmly believe that. Now all I have to do is live it.  It is so easy to get caught up in meeting my own needs and trying to go it alone that I miss opportunities to connect with others and to find ways to accept and give the unique pieces of life we each have and need.

One of my challenges is giving up the idea that my way is best, or at least correct.  This keeps me from accepting help from others because they may not do things the way I would. I also find I am often too busy to give of my time and talent to extend a hand to others in my life. Over the years this has tended to cut me off from others and narrow my circle of friends.

In this project there are a few wonderful suggestions for improvement:

• Look for opportunities to make an admission or apology which would cause you to "lose face". Boy is that a hard one for me.
• Reveal a personal problem that would give others a feeling of relief or satisfaction but would cause you to lose status or pride such as feelings of inadequacy, guilt feelings, etc). Another hard one for most in our society, including me.
• Give an idea or information which others would use for personal identification and recognition. I am working on that one and I think I am doing better.
• Devote time toward others' gain instead of your own (charities, community activities, assisting a colleague, etc).  Another one I have been working on.

I'll add one of my own - let others know the specific piece of your puzzle that they hold and how much you appreciate it when they share it.  This happens every day and often goes by without recognition. Try using one of our online postcards as a start and see what happens.

The Missing Puzzle Piece

Moving into Unit 2, Attitude Awareness, which begins with a rather short, high energy activity.  Over the many years we have been conducting AiA, this activity has always been one of our favorites.  And, I will never forget the first time I had experienced it.  What a shock to learn the real objective of the "missing puzzle piece".  But more on that later.

The set up is simple.  Each table is given an envelope with the pieces to a simple children's puzzle.  The objective, we are told, is to put the puzzle together as fast as possible - a team effort.  The first team with a complete puzzle wins a great prize (usually a box of animal crackers).

 A little music helps create the mood.  About 3 minutes into the activity most of the groups have the puzzle completed - all but one piece.  Then it is discovered that the "missing piece" is in the possession of one of the other groups.  What would you do in this situation?

Unit One: Insights

At the end of each unit we take a few minutes to go back over the projects we experienced in the unit and reflect on what we have learned or what was our biggest "ah-ha". 

 

This single "insight" is recorded on a large Post-It note and placed on a sheet of flip chart paper (or just stuck to the wall) for the rest of the participants to read (without any names attached).  At the end of the program we review all of the insights and select a few from each unit to reflect on as a group - sort of a walk down memory lane.

Unit One is all about Communication.  I have pondered the messages of this unit for many years and looking at it again I still find that my number one insight is "listening is loving".  I so much want to show my love for others by using this skill but still find myself lacking in my performance of it day by day. I suspect this will be a life-long project and thank Bob Conklin and AiA for putting this message is such a succinct, but powerful, form.  Everything in this unit points to this one message for me and I carry it with me into all my relationships even though I am far from proficient in its use.

Today is a new day and I will work on this once again.